*image credit: www.howtobeadad.com*
The author is writing about the trials associated with co-sleeping with a young baby. I have to admit, when I first saw these cartoons, I laughed REALLY loudly! Some of it is just so true, especially when sleeping with Little L. 'Jazz Hands' and 'The Stalker' are his current favorite positions, followed closely by 'The Neck Scarf'. It's nice to see that other families who utilize a family bed are having the same issues with getting a good night's rest as we are, but it highlights a problem that we are facing more and more.
How can we get L to sleep a bit better on his own and reclaim our bed for just the parents? I realize that this might be a futile question and one not easily solved until L is a bit older and ready to face a night on his own. Co-sleeping has been a blessing for our family, and we have utilized it from day 1 with Little L.
Literally, Day 1.
Co-sleeping is a controversial topic. Unsafe co-sleeping practices (including sleeping with an infant when the parent is using sleeping medications or alcohol) can lead to death. Newborns can be suffocated by parents' bedding if proper precautions are not taken. Still, co-sleeping can help with a breastfeeding relationship (as it has with us), can help everyone to get (paradoxically) MORE sleep during the newborn period, and help in the bonding between mother and child who are not separated for long stretches of time. For more information on co-sleeping, see this link from the Dr. Sears website. It's not for every family. Some babies sleep better on their own. Some parents need a baby-free place in which to relax. Some families decide that co-sleeping does not fit into their personal parenting strategy.
For us, co-sleeping has been a blessing. In the newborn period and the first few days, it helped to streamline the nursing relationship between Mama and Little L. In the first few months, everyone got some good rest together, even though there were mid-night feedings. It has only been in the last few months, as Little L has continued to develop and gain more motor control, that we feel things are not working out anymore.
With his new-found ability to move, Little L has developed interrupted sleeping patterns, is restless during the night, and this has led to less and less sleep for everyone. It should also be noted that Little L has never slept longer than 5 hours at a time since birth, and most babies are lengthening their sleeping periods by this point in their lives (10 months). Perhaps sleeping with his parents and their movements during the night is causing some of Little L's numerous wake-ups?
We are trying to move Little L to his crib more and more often during the night, which takes some sacrifice on our part. Who wants to get out of a nice, cozy bed to rock a fussy baby, especially when we all could stay together and have some sleep? Little L is also resistant to being left alone at points during the night, as he hasn't developed his own self-soothing skills yet. We're working on this, incorporating a safe, lovey object for him to snuggle and cuddle with in place of Mama or Daddy.
Making our situation a little more difficult is the fact that we don't ascribe to a 'cry-it-out' scenario for teaching Little L to self-soothe. There were numerous blog posts and OpEds published since this study was published in 2006, reporting that the 'cry-it-out' technique was causing brain damage in infants. Another study correlates infant neglect with reduced size of the corpus callosum, a brain structure important in inter-hemisphere communication. Still further studies have demonstrated non-human primates with prolonged separation from their parents have increased levels of stress hormones, including cortisol, and decreased levels of some growth hormones which could lead to abnormal development of neural tissues (reference for stress hormone research: Coe, C L, et al. Endocrine and Immune Responses to Separation and Maternal Loss in Non-Human Primates. The Psychology of Attachment and Separation, ed. M Reite and T Fields, 1985. Pg. 163-199. New York: Academic Press).
Do I agree with all this research or believe that it directly correlates to our own co-sleeping conundrum? No. But I am not comfortable with leaving my son to cry himself to sleep in his crib when I am still physically capable of comforting him.
So we have a sticky situation. I have no doubts that eventually Little L will self-regulate and will spend all night in his crib. We will wake in the morning astonished and well-rested, and be amazed at how quickly our baby has grown up! Until then, we will continue to make small changes to foster independence and ability to sleep on his own until that magical day when we can all sleep more than 3 hours at a stretch!
*I should note here that Little L does sleep on his own for naps during the day, which last anywhere from 30-90 minutes. He starts out the night in his crib, and we have been increasing the amount of time before he joins us in the family bed slowly. This entails going to his bedroom and nursing or rocking him to sleep, something that works on occasion and not on others. Sometimes he will only sleep in our arms and the minute he's transferred to the crib he wakes up and wants to play (or is angry at being awoken). Sometimes we go in to comfort him multiple times before 10 pm. Sometimes (rarely) he sleeps from 8:30 or 9 pm until 12:30 or 1 am, when he is awake again.
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